Enhancing Your Teenage Daughter's Self Esteem

The teen years are some of the most difficult for both boys and girls. However, studies show that as teen boys enter puberty, their confidence is likely in increase. On the other hand, girls' confidence and feelings of self-esteem are likely to take a downhill slide. The repercussions of this can be damaging at best and destructive at worst. Girls who do not feel good about themselves are more likely to suffer from depression and engage in self-destructive behavior that can range from eating disorders, to cutting, to risky sexual behaviors. Obviously, doing whatever you can to keep your daughter feeling good about herself is a good idea. The following tips are by no means all inclusive, but they are a starting point.

Be a Good Role Model
Parents have a difficult job with a lot of responsibility. However, one of the best things parents can do for their children is to set a good example. Mothers and fathers are equally important in children's lives, regardless of the family living situation. When fathers have solid relationships with their daughters and show that they love them, girls will be less likely to seek male attention elsewhere. Even though it can be very difficult and trying at times to communicate with your teenage daughter, do your best to constantly let her know that you are available and that you love her. This goes for both fathers and mothers. Mothers' roles are also important. If mothers demonstrate healthy ways of expressing emotions, emotional independence, and other positive attributes, it will demonstrate to teen girls that they can speak up for their needs without having to find destructive ways of getting them met.

Be Available
You've probably heard it time and time again, but research continues to show that teens who feel their parents are interested and involved in their lives are much less likely to engage in dangerous or negative behaviors. Even if it seems your teen is ignoring you, she probably isn't. It's more likely that she is listening, but also trying to assert her independence as she navigates her way through increasing self reliance and the fears that come with this. Teens are at a difficult crossroad between becoming more and more independent, while at the same time having feelings of not wanting to leave home when the time comes, fears of college, fears of making a living, and all the other insecurities that come with the responsibilities of maturity. You can help alleviate these fears by making an ongoing effort to show your daughter that you are available. This way, she can come to you when she is ready. But if she's not getting the message that you are there for her, she will instead turn to her peers, boyfriends, substances, or other methods of dealing with her emotions.

Show Your Daughter that You have Confidence in Her
As appropriate, take means to show your daughter that you have confidence in her abilities, dreams, and achievements. Encourage her in what she does well, and encourage her to try new things. Showing that you have confidence in her ability to take on new challenges will help her feel more confident in herself. She will need to face new situations on a regular basis during the teen and early adult years, and having a support team can make this much easier for her. Also consider teaching or showing her ways she can build her confidence, such as taking a stand against gossip, school bullies, and pressures to do things she doesn't want to do. Peer pressure at this age can be enormous, and when your daughter has the tools and the back-up plan (you) to deal with it, she can start to gain confidence in her successes.

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Tips for Encouraging Self Confidence in Girls

Numerous studies show that girls' self-esteem and self-confidence tends to plummet after about age nine as girls enter puberty. Is there any way to promote and increase self esteem and confidence during the earlier years to help pave the way for this important transitional time? The good news is yes, there are things that can be done. Some of them you already know, but a few reminders can't hurt.

For one, limit television. Yes, we've all heard it before, and it's easier said than done, particularly when there are a number of things to be done. However, studies show that programming and advertising can have a negative affect on viewers. Beginning at very young ages, shows geared toward children are mixed with many advertising messages, some subtle, and some not so subtle. While we can't blame the media for everything, we can acknowledge that too much television may negatively affect our children's self esteem and confidence. Children who learn at a young age that food equals happiness, for example, may have problems with body image later in life. Ongoing messages that things are the solutions to problems only exaggerates feelings of low self worth if a child doesn't have the right things. As children age, the "things" can change into a perfect body, and not having the right things can translate into body image problems and other self-destructive behaviors.

Provide positive role models. As girls age, they become increasingly aware of how women around them act and respond to various situations. Women who stuff their anger or express it "sideways" show girls that it's not okay to be angry, stand up for oneself, and be open and honest about their feelings. Young girls learn from this behavior, and internal anger can express itself in feelings of low self-esteem and low confidence. Depression increases, and unexpressed anger can come out in very self-destructive ways, including eating disorders and substance abuse. Unfortunately, many women never learned how to express their feelings in an appropriate manner, because they themselves did not have positive role models. If this is an issue, consider seeking professional help, not only for your own sake, but for those of your children.

Encourage learning and education. Some studies show that girls with a strong educational background are less likely to run into trouble as teens. The more girls know, the better able they are to make decisions. It's also important to encourage learning in math and science. While this is improving, girls are still viewed as less likely to succeed in these areas. Encouragement in these learning areas cannot only promote increased self-confidence, but it can also prepare girls for the changing work environment that relies more and more on technology. Of course, this isn't to say that other areas of learning are less important; only that encouragement in these areas can help provide balance to an education that is still not quite equal.

Help young girls try new things and discover their talents. Learning what we are good at, and being encouraged to follow these directions, can greatly improve self-esteem and self confidence. When talents or dreams are dismissed, this can easily be perceived as a personal rejection. On the other hand, when girls are encouraged to pursue their interests and develop their talents, this gives the message that they are important. Girls who feel valued by their parents and other important figures in their life are less likely to seek validation from other sources, many of which are not the positive influences desired.

Helping your children develop a healthy self-esteem and self confidence is an ongoing process. They will face struggles, and parents and others need to help them figure out ways of dealing with tough times. But as you work on solutions together, you can help young girls develop independence and confidence.

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Building Your Child's Self Esteem

It's one of those things that all parents want to provide for their children and one of those things that many feel they do not know how to do: raise a self-confident child. Self-esteem oftentimes seems like a fragile, distant thing that we all know what it is but don't know how to develop. Your self-esteem is a compilation of how you feel about yourself. It encompasses everything from your confidence in relationships, to your body image, to your work life. So how do you foster this "thing" in your children?

We teach our children "honesty is the best policy." This applies to how we deal with our children as much as it does expecting them to be honest with us. When it comes to your child's self-esteem, he or she will know or be able to sense if you are not being honest. For example, if art is not your child's top skill, don't say that his or her drawing is the best you've ever seen. Your child will know it's not, and will not believe you the next time you say something meant to be positive, no matter how honest it is. Instead, tell your child something genuine about the piece or the effort. Make non-judgmental statements such as, "You really used your imagination in making the flowers many different colors." This simply states your observation, rather than a false statement.

Also, understand that your child and your child's behavior are two separate things. This can be very hard to remember, particularly when your child is acting out in ways that make you crazy or that are unsafe. However, when you discipline your child for the behavior rather than the person, you can positively influence and foster self esteem. Why? If your child feels that you are mad, because of who he or she is as a person rather than for the behavior, this can negatively affect your child's self-esteem. Using "I" statements helps with this. Say something like, "I don't like it when you leave your toys scattered all over the floor," which also addresses the behavior, rather than, "You are a slob," which attacks their character.

Let your child make some decisions. Children are in a situation where everyone else is constantly telling them what to do, when to do it, where to go, and more. When children are allowed to make some choices, even if it's something small, they learn to be self-reliant. You don't want your children growing up feeling dependent on others for direction. Simple choices such as what to wear (you can offer two or three choices) or choosing a special lunch item will foster your child's being able to think independently.

Encourage your children to try new things. While there's nothing wrong with encouraging your child's talents–this will help build self-confidence as well–it's also important that your children learn to experiment. Trying new things helps everyone overcome fears of the unknown and helps us learn to deal with success and failure. If a child never learns to try new things, this can create problems later in life. After all, most people do not live in world where everything is the same day after day. Life is constantly changing, whether it's a move to a new city or starting a new career. If children are experienced at trying new things, even if small, life's bigger transitions will be much easier–such as leaving for college and starting a career.

These are, of course, only a few things you can do to help develop your child's self-confidence. The important thing to remember is that it is an ongoing process. The little things do add up, even if they seem unimportant. This can be helpful to keep in mind, particularly when something as important as developing your child's self esteem feels like a monumental task. It doesn't have to be! Taking time to recognize your child for the wonderful person he or she is, combined with a few techniques and consistency will go a long way toward raising a healthy, confident adult.

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Building Your Self-Confidence at Work

Many people wish they felt more secure about their abilities on the job. In other words, they're looking for increased self-confidence when it comes to performing the work, dealing with coworkers, and handling tough situations. If you're one of these people, you're not alone. What can you do to feel more self-assured about your job?

First, remember that you are not your job. That is, if you make a mistake at work, this does not mean that you are stupid, worthless, or that you're in the wrong position. It's all too easy to take mistakes personally, seeing them as a reflection of your true person rather than for what it is: a mistake. Even though it may not always appear so, everyone makes mistakes from time to time. The best way to deal with a mistake is to own up to it right away and present a solution. This shows that you are honest, and by presenting ways to fix the problem, your boss can send you on your way to deal with the issue. Acting honestly and straightforwardly is best for you–you'll feel better about yourself–and best for the company (which again will help you feel better).

Another common issue is feeling insecure when it comes to coworkers. Many people feel that they do not fit in, are unsure how to handle conflict, or have an overbearing coworker or boss that they don't know how to communicate with. Any of these feelings can wear at your self-esteem. You may feel you have nothing to offer the group, whether socially or on projects, you avoid conflict, and may allow others to step on you. If socialization is a problem, it will require you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. This does not mean you need to jump right in with a large company gathering; rather, take it slow by opening conversations with one or two coworkers. Chances are you'll have something in common. Asking questions about the other person is always a great way to go; just avoid questions with simple yes or no answers.

When dealing with conflict resolution and difficult employees, learning some proven communication techniques may be necessary. Consider attending a course on conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people. In the meantime, remember that the overbearing person likely has a lot of insecurities as well, and these are what cause the behavior. In the midst of conflict, do your best to avoid being pulled into argumentative situations. Don't reward the other person's behavior by getting upset or immediately backing down. If necessary, say you'll continue the conversation when everyone has had a chance to cool down. Dealing with negative coworkers is never fun. Try and remember that your self worth is not dependent on the coworker's approval, even if that person is your boss.

It could be you're feeling unsure about your skills. This one is pretty easy–learn more! Many companies offer continuing education options, will pay for schooling, or offer professional development in house. Whatever your employer offers, take advantage. If your company does not have this option, find some good books on the subject. Ask your colleagues for suggestions, or if you're a member of any type of professional group, seek advice there as well. Many of your peers will have good suggestions on what's worth looking into.

Finally, give yourself some challenges. One great way to build your self confidence at work is to take on a special project or extra work. If you choose something you feel passionate about or something in your specialty area, you can show yourself and your colleagues that you are able to produce results. Even if you fail, you're showing initiative and willingness by taking on special projects. Knowing that you put yourself out there, rather than sitting on the sidelines, can be a great confidence booster. And the same can be said for when it goes well.

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Cornerstones of Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is something that all of us need if we have to do well in life. It gives us the courage to face the most difficult of situations, something which cannot be said of people who lack self-confidence. They often break down in front of challenges.

The question, however, is how do you achieve self-confidence? You can do so if you define your tasks, and priorities, correctly. You then need to ask yourself as to how you can accomplish these tasks. A good strategy is to break your goals into smaller tasks. This makes the main task seem less daunting. You then need to pat yourself every time you reach a milestone. This increases your self-confidence, and makes it easy for you to achieve your goals.

You also need to look at the image that you have of yourself. If you don’t have a good image of yourself, and are always running yourself down, then your chances of being successful are minimal. Your self image or what you believe about yourself can be hurt easily if you blame yourself for any setback in your life like a business failure, loss of a job or a divorce. So, avoid self-flagellation. It feeds on your negative thoughts, and can easily become a monster. You need to write off your failures, and plan for new challenges. This is a positive approach to adopt, and can shore up your shaky self-confidence.

Those who are close to you play an important role in shaping your self-confidence. If they happen to critical or negative, they will have a negative impact on your self-confidence. Your priority should be to distance yourself from such people, and find friends and supporters who are imbued with a positive outlook. Without your knowing, they will add to your self-confidence.

Another issue that matters is your reaction to the events in your life. You should consider yourself a unique person who has his own special place in the world. This will lead to a development of positive attitudes, beliefs and values, qualities that can give you the self-confidence to succeed against all odds. However, there is an inherent danger in such a world-view. You may become too over-confident, and stop listening to what the others say. Don’t allow this to happen. Listen to all criticism, filter out the points that can make you a better individual; junk the rest. This constant course correction will make you a better individual.

At the same time, you need to monitor your internal dialogue. You must talk yourself into believing that you can take up any reasonable assignment. This will drive away negative attitudes and beliefs, and add to your self-confidence..

In fact, the picture you have of yourself needs constant monitoring and care. You cannot afford to let it take care of itself. Your self-confidence, happiness and success depends on it. You need to guard against selling yourself short. Don’t underestimate yourself and prevent feelings of inferiority from creeping in. Aim high and feel that you are capable of achieving anything you choose. Write down how you would like to see yourself five or ten years from now.

Make a list of your strong points, the things you do well and the compliments you receive. Write down a few of the things about yourself, which you think need improvement. Think of yourself as a self-confident person and act as if you are very self-confident, even if you don’t feel that way. Try to keep negative attitudes and beliefs away from yourself and maintain a safe distance from negative and destructive people.

If you take responsibility for your life and practice these methods regularly, your self-confidence will rise. What’s more, it will remain high.

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