We live in a society of “joiners.” We like to join churches, clubs, and fraternal organizations. We like to join classes and magazine subscription drives. We simply enjoy being with other people, and so we spend much of our lives in groups. Certainly, this is a good thing—not only for our own mental health, but also for the good of society as a whole.
And yet, no organization is a perfect entity. Organizations often breed conflict within their ranks. The conflicts may be between people on the same level, or between people at different levels of the organizational hierarchy. The conflicts may be one-time disagreements, or bruising fights which last for eons. While some conflicts can be attributed to personality clashes, others stem from the organization itself.
Whether you’re involved in parent-teacher organizations or a writers’ free speech group, you might find that you’re running up against organization-induced stress. This can come in a variety of forms. To begin with, it might be caused by the fact that the organization seems to have lost its sense of purpose. It may be wandering aimlessly and lack clearly-defined goals. As a result, you might feel a great deal of stress since you aren’t certain where the organization is headed—or even if you want to go along for the ride. If you come across this problem, the best thing to do is to air your concerns to someone in a position of authority. It is entirely possible that the leadership will ignore your concerns, but at least you’ve tried. If you fail to achieve a workable solution, you might then be forced to leave the organization. But you’ll leave knowing that you attempted to have a positive impact.
While most organizations have people in positions of leadership, many groups lack true leaders. As a result, members of the organization may experience a great deal of stress, having to deal with constant uncertainty. A true leader takes charge of an organization. He or she has a clear vision of what needs to be accomplished and promotes a team atmosphere in order to get the job done. If you are in an organization that appears to be leaderless, try to identify potential leaders. Encourage them to seek leadership, and assure them that you will support their candidacies. Such a strategy can help to alleviate the stress of all concerned.
Another problem that can lead to stress is an uncooperative organizational culture. There may be a feeling that each person in the organization is on his or her own, that each person should be an independent operator. As a result, the individuals within the organization may feel isolated and alone. The best defense against such a situation is healthy communication. Talk to other members of the group and find out if they are sensing an uncooperative atmosphere too. Then, get together and confront the person in charge. You might be amazed at what your small committee can do to effect change within the organization—and you might find your stress level subsiding considerably.
Yet another stress-inducing situation is organizational pessimism. Do members feel as if things will never get better? Are they frustrated and angry? Is there a sense of hopelessness in the ranks? If so, you and other members of the group may be experiencing a great deal of stress. You can lessen the stress by promoting a positive attitude. Make sure that you offer positive input when confronted with problems, and encourage other members of the organization to do the same. With a little bit of effort, you can turn your organization around—and lessen your stress in the process.
Organizational stress may take you by surprise. You might have joined the organization to relieve your stress, so when stress occurs in the group, you need to undergo a major attitude re-adjustment. The important thing to remember in such a situation is that you are not alone. Chances are other members of the group are experiencing the same kinds of things that you are. Trust your judgment and don’t be afraid to express your displeasure if things go wrong. The more you express your feelings, the more likely you are to reduce your stress.

Remember the first time you saw your first-born child? You might have been amazed at her eyes, or mesmerized by the perfection of his hands. You might have dutifully recorded the first smile, the first laughs, the first steps, the first dance. He or she became the most important individual in your life. When that little person came into your world, you knew that your life had changed forever.

There is nothing quite like the joy of parenthood. It can lift your spirits on the most miserable day. It gives you a reason to rise in the morning, and a good excuse for blowing bubbles, catching fireflies, or gazing at a fireworks display. When you give your child a hug at night, you know that all is right with the universe.

However, parenthood can also be quite stressful. There are so many demands on your time, so many commitments you need to fulfill. Your responsibilities can leave you feeling anxious and frustrated. If your child is sick, or is having trouble in school, or has become involved in drug or alcohol abuse, your stress level could rise to the max.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to eliminate the stressors associated with parenthood. They simply come with the territory. While you can guide your child, you cannot expect to control him or her, particularly when your child reaches the teenage years. Therefore, you have to learn to somehow manage the stress of parenthood before it gets the better of you.

The most important strategy you can adopt is to keep the communication going between yourself and your child, even when it becomes difficult. Your stress level will be greatly reduced if you can talk with your child, especially when something is bothering him or her. It is important for your child to know that your love is unconditional, and that he or she can turn to you at any time of the day or night. Strengthening the bond of trust can do a great deal to eliminate your stress.

Another stress-reducing tact you can take is to set aside time to spend with your child—other than helping him or her with homework. This is particularly important if you have more than one child. You need some fun time with your child—to let him or her know that you care. Plan for an afternoon of rollerskating or an evening playing checkers. You’ll find that such relaxing activities can help to alleviate your stress.

Also, it is important that you build into your day a break in the action. Have your husband or wife watch the children for ten minutes while you re-group. This is particularly important if you find yourself under so much stress that you are about to lose your temper. Give yourself a timeout—and watch your stress level drop considerably.

Mention needs to be made about the special stress that single parents feel. Theirs is a difficult lot and the pressures can be intense. That is why it is so critically important for single parents to strengthen their support systems. They need to have a parent, brother or sister, or friend they can rely on when the stress of parenting becomes overwhelming. Just having someone to talk to can be a tremendous stress-reliever. In other cases, a single parent might need someone to watch his or her children for the night so that the parent can re-group. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it is indicative of great emotional strength. If you find yourself falling apart, don’t wait for a crisis to get some assistance. If you turn to others for support, you will find that your family unit will only grow stronger.

Parenting is perhaps the single greatest responsibility a person can hold. As a result, there is a tremendous amount of stress involved. Recognizing that fact is an important part of the parenting process. Once you are attuned to stress—and the causes of it—you are more likely to be able to manage it well. It is important also for you to recognize that stress management is an on-going process—that it doesn’t happen overnight. However, with time, you can become a first-rate stress manager.

Would you like to be confident? Your answer may be - yes; I do want to be confident. However, this answer lacks the impact. It is too generalized. Just like everybody wants to do well in life and be rich but not many ever realize this wish. This is because to actually get somewhere in life, you need to quantify your confidence. You need to define the task for which you need to be confident so that you can execute it successfully. A mere wish to be confident won’t take you anywhere. The dream must have a deadline as well!

Self Confidence might mean different things to different people groups. For a child it might mean to be able to recite the poem to her teacher the next morning. For a business executive it might mean to be able to present the business report to the Board of Directors. For a salaried person it may be the ability to be able to make a switch over from his secure job to a new independent venture and so on. To execute their respective tasks, these people need a certain level of confidence, which would see them through. Every task requires a minimum level of confidence to be able to be executed. Do you have a task in your mind to be done? Do you have the level of confidence required? Let us check it out!

Following is a simple questionnaire. You have to answer to these in a YES or NO

1.Does it happen too often with you that you cannot take a decision all by yourself and you seem to look for your colleagues, friends, or your spouse to sort the matter for you?
2.Do you always seem to be in perpetual need of a support system wherein you can feel secure?
3.Do you just sit and listen all the times in your office meetings?
4.Do you feel difficulty in reporting a matter to your boss or you have an excellent idea that can improve your company’s efficiency but you cannot muster enough courage to go and talk about it to your Boss?
5.Are you terrified to meet someone new? Is public speaking your worst nightmare?
6.Do you timidly accept orders from your superior even though you know that you are already overloaded and you need to say no?
7.Are you excessively concerned about what other people think of you?
8.Do you fear taking risks?
9.Do you feel dissatisfied about your appearance?
10.Are you uncomfortable in social gatherings – being amongst lots of people?

If you happen to answer these questions with a Yes, you seem to have a confidence crisis that might become an obstacle in successfully executing your tasks. Don’t Panic, as it is good that you found out since now you are aware of a potential problem of your life. The very fact that you are aware of your confidence rating makes you ready to take further action and work towards eliminating the negative effects of low confidence levels and work towards building your self confidence.

Here are some more questions you may answer.

1.Have you accomplished anything in the past?
2.Are you the one to go ahead and break the ice at a new place or wait for someone else to initiate a discussion?
3.Do you feel you are well respected by others?
4.Do you think you have the potential to succeed?
5.Are you a happy and loving person?
6.Are you satisfied with your career graph?
7.Are you satisfied with your skills and qualifications?
8.Do you feel in control of your life?
9.Do you imagine yourself to be more successful five years from now?
10.Do you feel that you are a worthwhile person?

If you happen to answer most of these questions with a NO, you have LOW self-confidence levels.

However, a YES is never decisive and a NO is never final. One needs to constantly maintain the good points and work towards converting bad points into good points. And the good news is that it is very much possible. It’s important that you honestly answer the questions above, since only when you realize the present status of your self-confidence would you be working towards building self-confidence or maintaining and increasing your present levels.

Despite advances in gender differences, boys are still very much taught that they need to be strong, not show emotions, never be vulnerable, and a host of other behaviors that can make them feel isolated from others. When boys feel they have no outlets and ways to express themselves, they can lose confidence in themselves and have lower self-esteem. This can have detrimental outcomes, as boys seek ways to feel better about themselves. This could be getting involved with others who are not the positive influences desired, or acting out in negative ways that lead to them getting in trouble in school or elsewhere. As boys age, their self-confidence tends to improve; however, if they are involved in activities and detrimental behaviors at a young age, this may well carry into the teen years, when the outcomes can be much more serious. What can you do, as a parent or influence, to foster a healthy self-confidence in young boys?

First, be sure that you are available. If boys know they have someone to talk to who will not laugh at them for expressing their feelings and fears, they will be more likely to take advantage of this. Young boys may have friends who they can talk to, but these boys have also been taught or shown that expressing emotions is unmanly, and that fears are something to be laughed at. This can result in devastating feelings of rejection and loss of self worth among peers. Therefore, be sure to provide a safe place and ways for boys to express themselves.

Also show boys that it is okay to express emotions. This does not mean that the men in their lives need to be overly sensitive or constantly crying, but displaying a healthy amount of emotion is a positive thing, both for the adult and for the boys who witness it. Displays of appropriate emotion are important to a boy's sense of self-worth. For example, boys who witness men being stoic and showing little or no emotion during times of high emotional stress may become very confused. A death in the family is one such example. The boy will understandably be feeling sadness, emptiness, and a host of other emotions. However, if he witnesses the adult men in the family appearing unaffected, this can create a lot of confusion. This can also make a young boy doubt his own emotions, which are perfectly natural and normal in such a situation. Yet, from what he witnesses, he may conclude that he is abnormal, which can lead to a loss of self-esteem and confidence.

Help boys find what they're good at and encourage it. Not all boys are going to be fabulous at sports or other traditionally "male" activities, and this is okay. If he is good at sports, that's great. But also encourage boys to try a variety of activities and interests to see which ones fit and which do not. If a boy loves reading, for example, do not chastise him for this. If he is made to feel unworthy for pursuing interests, he can translate this into feeling that he as a person is not important, and this is definitely not something you want to have happen. Particularly for boys, activities and external pursuits are often seen as a direct reflection of who they are as people. Encourage boys to feel good about who they are, not just what they do.

As boys learn healthy ways to express themselves, follow their interests, and have a strong support system, they will be much better able to build a strong foundation for a lifetime of confidence. Making it through the teenage years will be easier (not easy, but easier), as will the transition to adulthood. Start early to help young boys to develop a strong sense of self to help them become positive role models for the next generation.

Nobody can hurt you without your consent

There are many instances in life where your confidence is hit hard. Sometimes you overcome life’s hardness, sometimes you get overwhelmed. Sometimes your courage and confidence sees you through, but sometimes your self-confidence gets a beating. However, the point here to remember is that “Nobody can hurt you without your consent.” The problem is not as important as the impact it had on you, rather the impact that YOU let the problem create on you. In life pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, as the saying goes. It’s purely your choice, and whether you choose to bounce back or suffer is entirely your prerogative.

There can be many reasons that your self-confidence is hurt. You may have had a bad marriage and now are heading for a divorce. You were not chosen for your college’s football team; you may have been laid off. There’s definitely a lot of pain involved in any of the situations. But you don’t necessarily have to suffer. You must arise and resolve to get back your confidence.

The following ways would help you do just that.

Look at the brighter side

If you have been laid off, it would be okay to feel bad about it for a day or two but not more than that. Losing a job is a terrible thing, but it does not mean the end of the world. Who knows it might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you have got some time to review your life, get aware of where you are going, have a look at your likes and hobbies which you could not develop because of pressures of your job. Maybe this is an opportunity to start afresh and live your life a new way which is more in sync with your abilities and aptitude. Similarly, a divorce may cause great pain but then you weren’t too happy in your marriage either. It probably was just not meant to be. Now you have a chance to rebuild your life the way you want it to be.

Stop comparing yourself with other people

When we have a problem we always question God – “Oh, God, why me?” Certainly God gave you a lot of rewards as well. Did you then get up and ask God –“Oh God, why me?” That’s what human nature is all about. We complain and remember God when we are in trouble or else we are too busy with ourselves. Stop looking at other people who seem too happy and comfortable to you from a distance. Stop comparing their comfort with your suffering. This will only frustrate you further. Focus on yourself and make every effort you can make to go out whenever you are feeling down. Self-pity is very addictive and capable of destroying lives. Instead of indulging in self-pity (though we all do from time to time), take control of your life and take responsibility for your actions, learn from your mistakes and make a fresh start. And yeah…don’t be bogged down when you hear a “NO”. A “NO” is something which even greats like Edison and Ford, too, had to face. If you look at them positively, you will find that each “NO” actually takes you closer to a “YES.” It’s been reported time and time again that Edison conducted more than a thousand failed experiments before he actually made an electric bulb! So get going and take the an occasional no in stride.

Are you standing in your own way

You will notice that shadows are caused when we stand in the path of sunshine. In our lives, too, we cause a lot of shadows by standing in the way of our own happiness. In today’s world, it is important to be flexible. A lot of people will look for a job for months, yet still reject work coming their way because they are not willing to adapt to some new job requirements. Jane, a schoolteacher, was laid off from her job. She kept trying for months to get a job as a teacher while rejecting opportunities such as taking private tuitions, being a nanny, doing copy-editing work as a freelancer. The long wait hurt her self-confidence even more. Sometimes it is wise to be a little flexible and adapt ourselves to new job demands rather than to look exactly for what we lost. It helps regain confidence quickly which brings along enough energy to get an even better job in the field of your choice!